THE PAINS OF INFIDELITY

Infidelity is like drug addiction; it is difficult to overcome and without proper precaution, it is the number one agent of marriage destroyer. In fact the world has gone crazy about carnality; it is very common these days especially in some highly placed individuals who sort succour by cheating their partners. Take a look at list of these individuals in the likes of Tiger Wood, John Terry, Ashley Cole, Ryan Gigg, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, the former governor of South Carolina Mark Sanford, the former  Democrat governor of New Jersey James E. McGreevey and the recent victim the (IMF) boss Strauss Kahn the list is endless.

As the saying goes that “to whom much is given, much is expected”. These are people the public looked up to as role models but today, the reverse has been the case. Where did the society get it wrong? The emergence of internet revolution such as 3G Smart phones, iPad, cable television etc and its pornographic contents has changed the moral psyche of most individuals which has induced them to think much about the fantasies of sexuality.  Other factors may include hard drugs, alcoholism and host of other steroid drugs and treatments that stimulates sexual intercourse like Viagra and Cialis etc.  Also other contributing factors such as; remedies for erectile dysfunction, estrogens, testosterones etc have made sex related crime to be at increase especially on rape cases, sexual assault and sexual harassment. It can equally create infidelity in relationships.

It does not matter who’s involved, or what has led one into it. Infidelity causes pain and suffering to parties involved. Some marriages were able to survive infidelity while many don't, that is why it is known as one of the leading causes of divorce. Of course, there are couples who are faithful to each other but still divorce. Therefore, if one is tempted to stray, it’s good to understand that cheating can cause a giant chasm in any relationship.

Many people these days; devote most of their time on internet social networks such as twitter, facebook, MySpace, yahoo messenger etc through chatting, making new friends and exchanging addresses and phone numbers.  On the process, there may be lots of intense emotions going on; perhaps some of these people’s relationships are on the steamy water, thus they cease the opportunity, to enter a new relationship which the end result always produces divorce.

In some European countries the rate of divorce is low while some countries have a high divorce rate. For example; Ireland has the lowest divorce rate in Europe followed by Italy. While in some countries like Estonia, Belgium and the UK divorce is at alarming rate. In 2009 according to the Cable News Network (CNN) survey, one in five Chinese Marriages ended in divorce. This report was compiled by Chinese Ministry of Civil Affairs. The report stated that 1.71 million Chinese broke up last year. ...160,000 couples or 10.3 percent, more than the previous year. Also research from the University of Chicago shows that 3.9% of Chinese married women and 20.6% of married men reported to have extramarital sex in the past year (the overall percentage of both genders being 12.2%).

In African setting, the rate of divorce maybe low because of some cultural and traditional norms which marriage is regarded as sacred; even when a man is involved in extra-marital affairs the wife will find it difficult to divorce her husband because; the woman would like to keep her marriage, so as to avoid bringing shame to her parents. In some cultures; traditions permits a man to marry more than one wife especially in a situation where a woman is unable to give birth to a male child, the man will deem it as necessary to cheat his wife by having sexual relationship outside his marriage to see if another woman can give him a male child. Whereby it is necessary, the man may decide to the take a second wife.

I disagree with the theory of courtship, between couples before marriage whether long or short term which many believed leads to a successful marriage. It does not matter how both individuals met, what matters is the understanding between both parties. Where there is understanding, love can flourish.  After all; lots of people married through blind date, still have a successful marriage.  Therefore couples should be sincere to each other so as to protect their marriage.

Any relationship that is rumple with infidelity and lies, its survival is difficult.   Even when it happens the truth should be told in deep sense of remorse and with profound attitude, with time it may heal the wound of resentful mind rather than bragging and drowning in lies. Most at times, it is difficult for anyone involved in infidelity to admit it without the grace of God.

Within the period of the crisis not only the couples that suffer but equally the entire family shares parts of the pains. Most at times children are perhaps affected; because they are often caught at the middle of the crisis with lots of physiological and emotional trauma going through their lives.  As the joy and happiness in the family does no longer exist and lots of pressure will be on both parties to call the marriage a quit. It is important to note that the future of the child/children is equally at stake, without proper precaution the children will suffer a permanent physiological and emotional disorder.

Despite its scourge and repugnance nature of infidelity, there are some high prices and consequences one might pay in indulging on such act which includes; Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD) and HIV/AIDS, Negligence of family responsibilities, and indulging in alcoholism.  This maybe as a result of much pressure from either of the both parties, It is imperative to note that with all these vices clogging the marriage it is set for a doom, which might be difficult to salvage.

 

 Above all, for the survival of any relationship or marriage there must be sincerity, transparency, honesty and love. Every marriage at one time or the other must have been on voyage of odyssey but the success of the journey; depends on how one stirs his or her ship to its final destination. Any marriage that is rocked with suspicions of infidelity, that union finds it difficult to survive. For me, any marriage that cannot stand the test of time, the best option is to path maybe; that will help each other to find joy and happiness in their separate lives rather than for them living together without reaping the virtues of good marriage life.

 Culled by Lucas Anuforo.